Sad Play Causes Big Stink Among Elderly

Diapers were flying last Tuesday evening during Detroit's 5th annual "Play In The Dark", put on by Whimsey Bros. playhouse. The debut show, "Two Silk Scarves and a Woolen Mitten" by proctologist turned playwright Morgan Tweedling opened to a full house, but all quickly turned to mayhem as the elderly demographic in the audience "commenced to rip bits of diaper from their bundled rears and sop up their wet faces," Tweedling reported.
As 74 year old Dorothia Wunderlich put it, "The tears were streaming. 'Two Silk Scarves' was reminiscent of my childhood days. We found no tissues, so we reached down at our asses."
Tweedling's concerns went beyond a mismanaged play. "It extends deep. I guess my heart is still in proctology because my frustration lies in the thought of raw torn diaper rubbing against the thin and mottled skin of those aged rectums. Not to mention the diaper-to-face "shit-eye" some of them must have contracted. But that's for an optometrist."
Detroit clean-up crews worked overnight and well into Wednesday, mopping up the proverbial shitstorm.