Masochistic Rabbits Deem Animal-Friendly Companies "No Fair."

Perl Wimble, chief executive of the LabPox network of chemical corporations in the United States, has recently organized meetings with laboratory department managers to discuss how to handle an unusual flux in willing varmint participation. "We can only test so many animals at a time. We can't increase the number of holding cells and straps unless we hired on more testers, which requires a steady supply of new test market ingredients that we just don't have. The 'Green' movement has put our labs in a static state. We're turning hares away and they're mutilating themselves in protest." During Wimble's visit last week to the Memphis area labs he discovered rabbit skins strewn across the walkway where his employee's enter and leave the building. One witness claimed "[she] literally watched as the crazed rodents skinned each other with sharp rocks, and situated their skins in front of the lab entrance..." Another witness, Shiela McNickels who works two buildings down remembered distinctly "an eerily quiet morning and a hint of blood in the air."
Wimble has plans to develop a monitoring system that will help track, capture, and tranquilize these demented cottontails. "We're also meeting soon with a new pharmaceutical/makeup conglomerate. This would be a lucrative opportunity for us which would require massive animal testing to meet FDA requirements. It'll be great having these furry little punks at our disposal...and knowing they're getting a twisted pleasure out of it makes the work we do all that much more worthwhile."