Ode to Moriarty

To the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song . . .

Ode to Moriarty

Come ‘n’ listen to a story ‘bout a boy named Dan
An earnest college scholar, a rockin’ music man
Summer 2002 he needed desert energy
So he loaded the band in the van and headed for Moriarty
New Mexico, that is Land of Enchantment Mary Jo

Nellie, haulin’ trailer, had a breakdown near San Jon
Towed her to Terry’s Truckstop, Slen picked up the phone
“Dad, we’re in a spot o’ trouble, couldya wouldya help us please?”
On the road again – mucho gracias to Dad and his credit card company
Performance Visa, that is (3% Rebate on Gas) A Kindly Trucker Wildfires

Settlin’ the Dreggun Ranch, eatin’ some pork ‘n’ beans
Doin’ some heavy labor, makin’ music for some teens
And ten tons of other stuff that Mom will never know
‘Cuz that’s exactly the way it should be when one is on one’s own
In Moriarty, that is Triple Rainbows Vegas Angus

They-of-David-Dreggun-born are sizzlin’ in the West
Churnin’, burnin’ a hot CD, completing their stated quest
Summer’s come to a close, time to say goodbye to Moriarty
And say hello to a heapin’ helpin’ of some Hartville hospitality
Ohio, that is Swimming Pool Gina G. Trixie

Well, the next thing you know, the CD has gone gold, young Dan’s a millionaire
Calls up each and every Dreggun, “Tony says there’s lots to share!!!”
True Brothers they are now and ever more will be – that was the highest priority
When they loaded up the van and moved to Moriarty!

White White Baby

Flashback to 1991. My son and his friend were nine years old when they wrote the beginnings of this parody of Ice Ice Baby . . .

White White Baby

All right stop, evaporate and listen
That’s what Ice does when he builds up so much tension
Something grabs ahold of me tightly
‘Till the cops come searchin’ and find me
Will it ever end? Yo! I don’t care!
Take off the wig, well you don’t have to stare
To the extreme I really sing like a vulture
Get me off the stage and I have no culture

Deadly, when I play my medley
Hold your ears cause you gotta be ready
Love it or leave it, I’d rather you’d leave it cause
I hate that hate mail, don’t wanna receive it
If there was a problem, yo, I’d jive it
Check out the hook while my editors revise it.

White White Baby
Why is he White White Baby

Now that the party is hoppin’
With the bass kicked in and my belly is floppin’
Slow to the point, to the point like a turtle
Yeah, I’m so wimpy I can’t jump a two-inch hurdle
With a top hat and a grubby vest
I’m now embarrassed ‘cause I look like a bird’s nest
Yep, I’m chuggin’ along in my OO
With my ragtop down, but my hair won’t blow
The girlies on standby, waitin’ just to say BYE!
Did it ever stop? No, so I
Kept on pushin’ to the next block
I busted my head so I went on to my main Doc
The Doc was dead

Yo, so I continued to . . . 5364 a no-name alleyway
Ladies lookin’ ugly wearing rags
There drivin’ a primered Pinto was a wrinkled hag . . .

The Fire

Here is an old song parody that my cousins and I wrote in the summer of 1990. I'm not exactly sure that was the year, but I'm pretty sure since "We Didn't Start the Fire" was released in late 1989. The oldest of us was probably about ten at the time. This parody came about as a result of us discovering that we could set of dried leaves on fire with a magnifying glass. We would take a bunch of leaves, put them in a box and set them on fire; much to the dismay of our grandparents; whose house we would perform this act. We loved doing it so much, we decided to write a song about it. Fun times indeed. Enjoy!

Set to the tune of Billy Joel's number one hit single "We Didn't Start the Fire"

The Fire

We're gonna start a fire
With magnifier we will start the fire
We're gonna start a fire
With a hose beside us so it will not light us

Get a box, put leaves in, here's the sun now let's begin.
Dry leaves, sunny day, what else do we have to say?

We're gonna start a fire
With magnifier we will start the fire
We're gonna start a fire
With a hose beside us so it will not light us

Magnifier meets the sun, now the fun has begun.
Here comes smoke, then a flame, Nonna says it's not a game.

We're gonna start a fire
With magnifier we will start the fire
We're gonna start a fire
With a hose beside us so it will not light us

Get more sticks, get more leaves, from the field of dead soy beans.
Fuel we lay, flames will stay, Nonna says oi vay oi vay.

We're gonna start a fire
With magnifier we will start the fire
We're gonna start a fire
With a hose beside us so it will not light us

Iris ready with the hose, the smoke irritates your nose.
Flames go out, we are sad, Nonna seems very glad.

We're gonna start a fire
With magnifier we will start the fire
We're gonna start a fire
With a hose beside us so it will not light us

by: Eva, Iris, Luke, Katie, & Angela


Here is a scan of the original handwritten lyrics:



By the way, I don't remember why I wrote "We're gonna start a fire with a moon."

Write the Lines

To the tune of Walk the Line . . . because this parody is about us, feel free to add a stanza or two of your own making! This is now the first inter-active post - come on, you know you want to!

Write the Lines

We keep a close watch on these sites of ours that shine
We keep eyes wide open for Fighting the Windmills, Tim’s Blog and Scrabble Wars so fine
K. Grace Bears keeps the threads out for the tales that wind
When we’ve got time, we write the lines

We find it very, very easy to be reading Passion = Truth
When we find ourselves alone, EVA & DANIEL‘s art will get us through
Yes, we’ll admit Latent Chestnut, we’re nuts for you
When we’ve got time, we write the lines

As sure as Team Ditalini sparks a dreamy ray of light
We’ll keep The Ghost of Barney Pressman up and running both day and night
And Unseen Gift-style happiness we’ve known proves like a flutter-by in flight
When we’ve got time, we write the lines

Geir, Lane, Snortface and My "Holey" Uncle have got a way to keep us on their side
‘Cause not for long online will they and The Woman at the Chicago Painting Workshop ably hide
For you, SEK8, we know we’d even try to turn the tide
When we’ve got time, we write the lines

We keep a close watch on this heart of Ditalini Press with love so blind
We keep eyes wide open for greatest challenges, six-words and Home Life
We keep nlitend invitations out for friends and family ties that bind
When we’ve got time, we write the lines

Moldy Turtle

I had occasion, one winter, to share my brothers' company in my country home. I was married, with three young children. Now you must understand, my brother is a bit, well, eccentric, with a brilliant mind. Song parodies are a special talent that he has. Please realize that I mean no disrespect for the original song, He's Got The Whole World In His Hands...
He taught my children his parody, and one day, while visiting a church, I heard the piano start playing. With a sick feeling, I glanced at my children, and gave them the look, which implied, "do not DARE try it"...here's how it goes...

he's got a moldy turtle in his pants
he's got a moldy turtle in his pants
he's got a moldy turtle in his pants
just wait till you see him dance

Cleveland Anthem

I mean no disrespect to the beautiful anthem "America, My Country Tis of Thee"
Having said that, I have lived in Cleveland and become part of the urban flight mania. Thought I might use the beauty of this anthem to contrast the ugliness that has become Cleveland.

Cleveland Community
Sweet land of poverty
Of thee I curse.
Where innocents have died,
And there's no longer pride.
Where we are locked inside
This concrete hearse.

My neighborhood in blight
We bear the renters plight,
Thy name I hate.
Land of the foreclosure
Home to the sick and poor
In which there seems no cure
For our sad fate.

Where no one seems to care
When rap pollutes the air
All through the night.
And we are kept awake
By gunfire and by hate
Until we all partake
Of Urban Flight.

I Ma-donned-a Song!

Any opportunity to make fun of Madonna's music, is heartily embraced by me.
I took "Lucky Star" and wrote "Junkie Car". The back story is that Madonna enjoys the show "Car Talk" on NPR, with Click and Clack...the Tappet Brothers. (I like that show. One of the brothers has a laugh identical to my grandpa's old laugh...so I always am reminded of him.) Anyhoo ... Madonna calls the brothers for advice ...

If you can't remember the melody of the song...please watch this video first. YouTube didn't allow me to post the original video for the song, so you're left with this version set to photos of the pop diva. It's so brilliantly bad! :)



Can you help me fix my car?
I'm sick of it not getting me far
I just called, because I love your show
Oh baby, please know ...

The headlights, don't shine
so I can't drive at night,
The alignment, is off
I'm drifting left and right ...

Do you hear my desperate call?
I feel I'm backed up, against the wall ...
I'm at my wit's end and I'm losing my hair
What knowledge, will you share??

The A/C, is hot
and I can't turn it off
My side mirrors, are shot
and I get hit a lot ...

I should have bought a foreign make,
That's the last time, I'll make that mistake

Oh, share your heavenly knowledge tonight!
Cool my engine, and clean out my pipes!

Triple A has saved my ass,
but I want to leave that in the past
The muffler's dragging on the road
I can't count the times this thing's been towed

Locate a heavenly body-shop tonight
Help me transform this sorrowful sight!

Oh, can you fix my junkie car?
I'm always impressed with how patient you are ...
I need a list of mechanics you know
please tell me, where do I go?

Will you help me fix my car??
Oh, Click and Clack of NPR ...
*My name is spelled, with an 'O' and two 'N's
Oh, how is this dilemma to end??


*If you've ever listened to "Car Talk" you'll recall that the hosts regularly ask how caller's names are spelled. So that's why I threw that in. OMG. I suddenly feel like Weird Al Yankovic. That is creepy...

Mini-Topic: Song Parody

I liked the idea of a song for the 100th post so much, that I'm suggesting we all write a Song Parody. Pick any tune, write any parody of such. What do you think? Due January 15!

Who's up for suggesting our Main Topic for January? Hmm?