Showing posts with label eye injury. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eye injury. Show all posts

Saturday, January 29, 2011

For No Sake of Posterity.


For No Sake of Posterity

plunged into sights unseen
a foggy day sets in LA town
sub-conscious, conscious visions
fleeting, wafting into black
desperation. suffocation. congestion. self-annihilation?
fuck patience. fuck virtues.
i pity me.
“go away, bad dream!”
i need to put the bubble in the
jar – for no sake of posterity

Without beating this story like a dead horse, I blew out the retina in my only good eye January 11th while in Los Angeles shooting the short film, PASSER LE SEL S’IL VOUS PLAÎT, adapted from my short play, “Pass the Salt, Please.”. I had the smarts to walk into the Jules Stein Eye Institute at UCLA on the 12th and say, "I believe something's wrong", and was rushed into surgery - which, according to Doc McCannell and Doc Hu – went superbly. However, I’ve been grounded in Cali until the gas bubble in my eye dissipates. (I've been cleared to go home - I'll leave this Monday or Tuesday...by train. For the hell of it.)

Thus began my convalescence following post-retina re-attachment surgery – first at the home of my director-friend, Tatjana, near Beverly Hills, and then (where I’m currently at), at the foothills of the Angeles Forest in Tujunga at the home of my goddaughter (Donovan & Maria’s).

During those first recuperative days, I'd often go sit on Tat’s porch. Since I needed to keep my head positioned down 50 minutes out of every hour (and sleep on my stomach) for the first three days (this was reduced to 30 minutes for the next five days), I had to switch things up any way I could think of. Tat was snapping pictures of her son one day and I called her over and asked her to take some pics of me – one or two days post-surgery – with the intention of preserving some record of the state of my present physical and mental well being. These photos are testament to the living hell I endured, as is the above poem.

Monday, January 18, 2010

"self-portrait".


i feel the impact of my
eye injury in many ways
sadness, anger, bitterness
my self-confidence is not
what it once was
it's affected my acting
it's affected aspects
of my personal relationships

if i glance at my
favorite portrait of
myself as a child, i think
'where has that little boy
with the beautiful brown
eyes disappeared to?'
i wish he was here but
he's gone forever

i am loved
unconditionally
by many and yet
my injury won't go away
as an actor in an
industry where image
is god i feel i am at a loss
i wonder what strangers think?
'do they think i'm ugly?'
but i'm the same person
inside as i was before
how soon the strangers forget

i am surviving but
i'm forever haunted.