There she was again, shaved head, silk pastel purple tunic clothing her bony silence. She was looking at the bulk granola. I was sweeping up some oat bran from off the terra cotta floor next to her. I thought she was looking particularly zen-like that afternoon with a long strand of wooden beads on thick saffron thread around her neck. I was reading books on zen meditation and practicing zazen at the time, trying to apply "detachment" and "loving kindness" to my life. It was my chance to ask her something I had been wanting to ask her for a while.
I moved up next to her as she reached for a transparent bulk scoop.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, of course," she said.
"Are you a Buddhist Nun?"
"A what...huh?"
"A Buddhist Nun?"
"Oh, no. I have cancer."
No! No! This wasn't what she was supposed to say! She was supposed to be thrilled with my interest, inviting me to open meditation sessions and we were supposed to laugh together and maybe even hug with that tangible calm creeping in when kindred spirits speak of enlightenment and God.....
Instead, she looked down at the floor, blinking back tears. I grabbed the hand that wasn't holding the plastic scoop and told her I was very sorry.
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5 years ago
5 comments:
this is obviously a WHAT WAS I THINKING moment
...and then she pulled out her numchucks skills...
oh dear seesta. maybe she was your zazen meditation for that day. and ours now, after having read it. thanks poop head.
Good story, Eva. It is an adventure to work with the public sometimes. You never know what you're going to get.
Dear Eva, I believe this woman is a kindred soul, indeed, radiating an air of spirituality that you are in tune with. She blessed you with her presence and you blessed her with the touch of your hand. Again, I recommend the writings of Carolyn Myss who speaks of 'secular monasticism'. Although the Buddhist robes are of saffron and maroon, the violet is of a higher vibration according to the chakra system. This woman has probably seen you all those times as well, her tears not only the the result of her physical suffering, but also because you saw more her in that - her true self. Perhaps next time, you'll find an opportunity to not only take her hand, but give her a hug as well!
I love your style of writing.
Eva,
Re-reading this I realize that you do not indicate the element of time. I assumed this happened recently, but it may have happened at any time in the last dozen years or so. If so, this woman may have passed from her illness or she may have made a full recovery. As you touched this woman, your writing style touches my heart.
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