Mother's Last Wishes

There were three things I disliked about planet earth. For one thing, the women were frighteningly similar to the men, spare some parts. Two, the food looked nothing like anything that should be eaten. And three, I was growing fond of a person and his name was Charley. He was what earthings called “Elderly”, so I enjoyed calling him Charley Elderly, since I never learned of his last name. What Elder Charley didn’t know is that besides me being a refreshing friend, I was going to be his ticket off of this soil-and-corpse-laden sphere in the sky. Earth didn’t suit such a refined and classy gentleman. I could see Mr. Elderly had to drain his evolutionary capacities to avoid social persecution and see himself blindsided by loneliness, day after day. His intelligence surged into involuntary hiatus in order to linguistically engage with those in lesser form around him; the thick-throated, foggy-eyed prisoners of their circumstances, such backward and poor circumstances. He couldn’t have too many lives to live yet. He had already 83. For an earthling, that was plenty. Why anyone lives more need still be explained.
I feel that the duties prescribed to me from my contagiously heroic mother, must be carried as the Earth goose wears its down. After witnessing her having been carried away by the ancient Floxed Farrens of Sacrifice I feel I am fit to proceed with her orders, and now that I have acclimated my temper to the new environments, I am closer than ever to accomplishing the mission mother was so restive to exonerate before her cleansing.
Now that I’m back home and have Charley with me I can finish the mission, complete all mandatory procedures. But first I must explain an oddity of the earthling nature exhibited so well and often by the race, and one I witnessed for the first time yesterday. I caught Charley in the Muskill Mountains when he went to eliminate his body of his breakfast, tying a piece of his shirt into a thick loop. I noticed he had his sights on a Feze Tree limb which was about out of his reach as he was not a tall man. I watched from the path’s edge as he began wrapping the tail end of the shirt around the limb to secure it. Finally it occurred to me that he might be tying what the earthlings use to recover their spirit; a noose.
I told him that in order to survive he must not kill his body, because now he was in a new land and must subscribe to our world’s regulations, especially those concerning the dealings of his own mind.
He watched me in a horrified state, walk closer to him and take his hand away from the Feze.
Charley wasn’t responding to his name and also showed signs of Nebular 6 Intergenic Phaseout, which helped the cause seeing as how the first step in his organ removal is tranquilization.
The first organ to be taken is always the liver, the most toxic of the earthling inner-bodies, it is quickly eaten by evaporation chamber to make sure its destruction is replete of any harmful substances that strand out into larger exhibitions of danger. Charley’s stomach was sucked clean of all earth food during transport to my home, so the stomach is safe to remove and insert for sale at market. These sell the most prolifically, and during family days the stomach is roasted and enjoyed in small pieces within Sau plant broth. Earthling Elders, it is clear to our species now, have industrious inner-bodies which favor an advanced palate, formidable jaws, and a flexible purse. Mother’s last request was a mission most successful thanks to the procurement of an old man on Earth who had no one left and who would never be missed. The business of selling earthling inner-bodies at market continues to remain a tradition on my planet. The highly prized meat is worth so much more than any animal in our region and the taste is unsurpassed in its complexity. Thank you Charley Elderly and to the smooth operation.