Mennonite and Amish Surfing Classic

Welcome to Big Sur, California.
Home of surf, sand, and bikini's.
I'm your host Dave Draper.
Not so long ago surfing was a hedonist sport, now
like everything else in the modern world there's a twist.
This week at least you can see solemn bearded men wearing
hats and long pants riding the waves.

It all started with a vision of one Ely Timer. Spending most of his childhood
on a buckboard plow, he began to innovate creative plowing styles to augment
long torturous days under the hot Pennsylvania sun. By age 13 he was having visions
of surfing in the ocean. Elders advised him to stop his nightly visitations on the
Astral realms, but he couldn't find any scripture that forbade his explorations.

As a young man he kept with his church and upbringing, but on annual pilgrimages
to California religious conferences, he would try and surf in his free time.
And, guess what, he was outrageously successful.
Big surfing names were stunned when they first saw him hit the waves.

Scott (Snogler-Dog) Avis had this to say,
"One Saturday I kept seeing this black hat....man, that was a day that
changed my life. Here's a wiry farm kid hanging in with me and the guys on some
shirt ripping pipe. Nobody comes from nowhere and does what he does."

Comments from the Snogler taped earlier today.
Now to live coverage of todays surfing event.
Three finalists have been selected to compete this afternoon.

First off,
Garret Hershberger, Home; Rossville, Indiana.
They call him the Box Lunch. Big hefty, a bit hot tempered. He can get hotter than a box
lunch at sundown. He hopes to see a Christopher Walken movie some day.

Second on the board is, McDoo Collins, Home; Sedalia, Ohio
Likes to balance a strawberry pie on his head while surfing.
Known as the silent-showoff, he's fond of muscle beach and
dedicated to getting rid of his farmers tan.

Finally, the favorite, Ely Timer. Pennsylvania native.
A real natural. His techniques are solid. A quiet retiring gentleman,
who reminds me of Gary Cooper. He credits his drive to his grandfather.

I am joined now by surf champ Lawrence Kahuna-Camp Nelson.
That's right Dave, ah no one knows where these guys practice, they're here
once a year. Get on their own home-made boards and ride like repo'd demons.
I have a theory Dave, unsupported, but I feel like most of the surfing crowns have
spent too much time on hallucinogens and a salad bar of other substances.
These guys, did none of that. Clear headed focus, and they can practice 1000 miles
away from the ocean in their mind's eye.

Interesting theory KC, nobody knows how they do what they do.
They are fun to watch. We spoke with Ely yesterday after practice.

"Ely. We are glad we could join you today for a few words."

"Hey Snog, hey KC."

"What do you think of the first televised coverage of this event?"

"Well, not much. My community certainly won't support any of this."

"What about the rest of your fans that have turned out for you here this week?"

"Oh, I don't know, I suppose curiosity."

"Well, we all wish you good luck."

"Goodbye"