Caught in the moment between How and Why

I'm freaked out. I'm writing this one hour before deadline, and I don't know what has happened. I never expected to procrastinate to this point. I don't know if it's the full moon...or....

I'm still freaked out, even though I've finally begun to write. What I'm feeling is a medley of mixed emotions all linked to the assignment we were given. It shouldn't be this difficult, yet ever since father Marc posted it I have felt such apprehension...

As a youngin I had horrifying hallucinations, and I've up until recently, dealt with many ghoulish apparitions and messengers of Satan. Ha ha. You can laugh, really. It's quite hilarious. (I believe the "Satan" of which I speak, was something within me, and the apparitions? They have manifested physically i.e. breathed on me, sat on my bed, etc. To which I say, "WHA?"). I have and will always have the memories of these psychotic and spiritually grueling episodes but I'm confident when I say that there is no scar tissue! I felt like father Marc's post was confronting me...personally. Singling me out, pressuring me to reveal the demons that I've kept so quiet and unfed. I, replete with rumination, now have the courage in my fingers...but sense already within me, disquiet and regret at going outside the doors of the assignment only to turn and throw stones at it.

That's not my intention, and I admit to my weakness'. But you must know, this is a far a better choice than what I had considered writing two days ago...

The past few nights I've been browsing YouTube for claymation films and banned cartoons. I came across a handful of gems, some of which scared me to bits with their unapologetic dementia. I was impressed especially with those made in the 70's where the music was just as frightening, if not more than, the deranged masses of personified clay. I thought, "I could write my Ditalini Press assignment, based on the premise that one of these videos saw me through the most difficult time yet in my life: watching eight entire minutes of monstrosity in animated form! The REALM of claymation!" Then I realized adding a video post to our blog was a cop-out. It would prove I hadn't the capability to support my writing solely with words, that I needed another medium to fill out my story and bring life to it. I also considered that our blog is laid-back, that whatever goes, goes. But it still felt incomplete.

So now I'm here rereading father Marc's assignment details, left to answer how I dealt with my most difficult challenge. And to that I have no answer, I could be dealing with this for some time to come.

I look at the clock. 2 minutes til deadline...

I leave you with...