Thursday, October 30, 2008

SNORTFACE TOUR

Something I wrote 35 years ago.
I never took drugs.


Snortface Tour

as told to awe strickened audiences.......

Old men trudged down the burnt cracked sidewalk. Piles of wounded sneezersnouts lay
beside a fresh crater and yelps of some pained creature fan out in the air. The hollow tubes
that plunge underground belch some acrid organic stench. We think that the gorillas have been dumping cadavers into them. Nearby we have an old crusty man sitting on a pile of rusting
engines who is licking stained sheets of paper that he has been dipping in slimy oil. I approach
him and he stops most suddenly to warn me of protruding snortfaces. He slobber some
black druil and accidently papercuts his sneezersnout. Then a horrible tantrum is set forth and
he bites some rotting rubber hose and begins to rub grits on his bristling sneezeersnout. Quickly
we leave and pass by a pack of hunchies, it was funny, they were all just bumping into each other
falling down and digging their lips out with tree trunks.

Finally we come the the village of Sneer, sneezersnouts are very wrinkled here. Sniffing us
through wheezy barrels of a snout with long hisses of breath, the village sneer seer inspected
our arrival. He thumped his sneezersnout with a hollow empty bonk, pulled up some long
hanging skin from his grey snout and showed us his beak-like teeth. Such an honor to please us
was his actions. Sneezersnout children were playing behind rocks pushing their sneezersnouts
through the dirt with sad eyes. Mother sneezersnout, anxious to call in the children, starts to
sandpaper her sneezersnout so she can call them in.

Some youngster comes running down the granite dusty road and he has a locust trapped
in his sneezersnout, which makes it look like a venturi opening. He just passes us staring at
the grass like he is starving to death. My gosh! Another bomb hit us and we can see that it
landed by a poor lazy snoozing man. We heard the blast adn looked over to see the poor guy
chucking his sneezersnout in the crater. It just went, -yelp-yelp-yelp, and hopped over
bleeding and blackened.

We headed for the mountains early in the morning not aware of what we might find. Miles
and days of travels we came on some strange nature. We were just passing over some bridge
by muddy banks and as soon as we looked over the railing we glimpsed some horrible snortface.
He just peeked at us for a moment with his bulging saucer eyes and hammered up
sneezersnout before he sank back into the mud. We shivered and recoiled as we saw him. We
crossed the bridge and stepped into the deep forest of skinny trees, then strange echoes began issuing around the forest. It had to be the nut-plungers far off in the distance. Sharp 'oohs' and
'aahs' could be heard as we progressed on. Then finally the sounds were very intense and as
we peered through the brush we could see furry baboon goons dipping their nuts into an ice
cold stream of water.

Out of the forest, we climbed a wall of crevices. Only something was a little wrong. The air
smelled funny and we sensed somebody else around. Then in a terrible manner, a prime
snortface peeked out from behind a crevice knawing on roots to scare us. More sniffing
snortfaces ducked from behind rocks banging their sneezersnouts with logs and stones. One
snortface began tearing the nostrils from his sneezersnout and threw chunks of whiskery meat
at our heads. Then a snortface came at us with astroturf sewed to his chin and bit us with his
cowiring breath. We ran away and watched a snortface fall out of a tree. He just came down
hitting limbs and parts of his blubbery snout were breaking off. He hit the ground making a slow
splosh sound landing on its snortface, then it got up like a pancake with a humpy expression
and hopped away from us with a coarse humming sound trapped in its mashed sneezersnout.

We agreed to chase down the snortface. Later we captured it and threw it into some
sticker bushes. It made a gaging sound and got caught right in the middle of a big patch of
stickers. It fluttered like a dieing fish while its eyes were fixed on staring at us with an
expression of an old man fluttering like a mashed toad. Well, it finally got all of it's sneezersnout
ripped off from struggling around so much in the stickers, then it just flopped over like loose skin
and hissed out groans. We picked up his sneezersnout by a loose lip and chucked it into the
weeds.

3 comments:

Aunt Sue said...

Still catching my breath! Thanks for the caveat or should I say disclaimer? Had me running to dictionary.com to search for 'venturi', the echo of Dad saying "Look it up!" 'Sneezersnout' wasn't there!

SomeCallMeTim said...

Wow, this really makes you think about the meaning of words. I like it. I don't know how you think of things like this. Amazing!

Hmmm... This reminds me of something...

"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome wraths outgrabe..."

Wow!

Koya Moon said...

Hahha...very strange Father! You've awoken a part of our brains to the wonderous SNORTFACE TOUR....ALL ABOARD!!!!!!!!!!