Heart stopping screams awaken me as she cries out once again from her bedroom down the hall. She is caught between sleeping and waking, unable to make the transition safely. Another night terror.
I rush to her side, seeing her as always, bolt upright, eyes wide open, saliva running from her lips; in mid scream. I try to hold her, comfort and waken her, but she stares at me and whispers, "SHHH. He'll hear you".
I do not touch her. Do not speak. The hair on my arms and neck stands on end, because I do not know who "He" is and am afraid that she may be right. Perhaps he really is in the room with us watching and waiting. And so, I sit beside her silently trapped in this night terror with her. Wondering if we will ever be free from it, If we will ever feel safe again.
It's been three months since she's slept through the night in peace. I thought at first it was just normal childhood nightmares and they would pass, but I see now that such optimism was foolish. He is in her mind now and uses her to hear what goes on around her, just as he uses all of the children now. She knows he is there and fights to keep her secrets from him.
We were so naive to give our children over to this invasive terror. But those who tried to warn us were labeled conspiracy theory alarmists. They spoke of side effects, lack of testing, hasty production and over zealous scientists. We listened instead to the government and the media as they flashed headlines of pandemic, death, and the most at risk population, our precious children. We led them as lambs to the slaughter, thinking we were providing safety and protection. We parents didn't participate. There was a shortage of supplies, we were told, and so we bore the risk of infection ourselves in order to provide for our offspring. What parent wouldn't make such a sacrifice? But now, too late we have discovered it was the children who were lain on the alter not us.
Is he really here with us now in the darkness? Or has her mind been tricked into this constant state of terror? Either way, we remain together locked in this nightmare, unable to undo what has been done. And I think to myself, it was just a vaccine, a simple vaccine.
